


Changing

by the_nerdiestwitch



Category: Ben 10 Series
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Hurt, Light Angst, Some mentions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 21:24:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17691329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_nerdiestwitch/pseuds/the_nerdiestwitch
Summary: Everyone always asks what it feel like, but Ben can never find the words to describe it





	Changing

“What does it feel like?” Gwen asked. Her voice sounded tiny in the huge expanse of the RV. “Turning into an alien?” At first she thinks Ben is asleep; the top bunk is so quiet. She waits a heartbeat, two. “Ben?”  
Night fills the RV, almost crushing dark. His voice shines a beacon through it like a lighthouse. “It’s a lot,” he says finally. “And it feels really awesome after, like I just scored the winning goal.”  
“An adrenaline rush,” Gwen guesses. She’s read about adrenaline, where it comes from, what it does to the brain. Figures Ben would be running on it 24/7.  
“I guess.” He sounds quiet, hesitant, but then he adds “Nerd,” in that mocking tone and Gwen is tempted to climb up there and beat him with a pillow.  
“‘Night, Ben,” she sighs, and falls asleep to the sound of crickets and humming stars.

Ben powers down, grinning and laughing, and slides into the cracked leather RV seat next to his grandpa. Despite their win, Max isn’t doesn't smile and rub Ben’s head with his big, soft hand. He looks concerned. “Are you alright?” He’s seen the limbs that grow too fast, the way Ben’s skin turns to lava or crystals or technology, the way his mood changes as fast as his body does.  
“Yeah grandpa, I’m fine. Those bad guys barely touched me.” Ben dismisses the question easily. Too easily for Max’s taste.  
“No, I mean how do you feel? When you transform?”  
Ben shrugs. His gaze is suddenly fixed on something out the window. “It’s fine. It just tingles a little.”  
Max hears Ben screaming from a dozen fights gone wrong, and he has to push it. “Listen, if it hurts, or it feels wrong in any way, we can take it off. We can find Azmuth, make him remove it-”  
“I said it’s fine, grandpa.” Ben doesn’t move from the window, but the reflection in the window says to drop it. Max sighs and starts up the RV.

“What does it feel like?” Kevin asks one night. They’re sitting on the roof of some half-demolished building, watching crews clean up the mess Ben made fighting his latest alien enemy. Sometimes were worse than others; this time it's just been too much. Too many opponents, too much power in their hands, too many civilians in the way. Kevin, for all his bad timing, had shown up to turn the tides. The least Ben could do was buy him chili fries after.  
“What?”  
“When you transform?”  
“What does it feel like for you?”  
Kevin stares down at the crumpled, grease stained paper bag in his hands. They look human now, but half an hour ago they were solid steel. “It hurts,” he admits. “It feels like stepping in hot water, every time.” He shrugs. “But you get used to it, if you stay in long enough.”  
Ben watches Kevin’s hands as they tear up the paper bag. Words are on his lips, and he almost spits them out. But he can’t bring himself to even think them, so he just watches.

“What does it feel like, Tennyson?” Albedo taunts. Ben is caught in another one of his traps, helpless for now. It wasn’t even one of his better traps, but Ben fell for it anyway. He’s an inverse of Ben, everything he hates about himself. “All that might at your fingertips?”  
Before Ben can throw out some sarcastic answer, Albedo cuts him off. He crouches low, so Ben can see every flaw in their identical eyes. “To me, it feels like power. Galaxies at my disposal, the entire universe to my whim. You’ve had the Omnitrix for years, and you’ve barely even touched a single drop of potential.”  
He stands, looking down at Ben. “Or maybe you do know how much power you have, and you’re just scared to use it.”  
Later Max and Gwen rescue Ben and throw Albedo into a hole he’ll crawl out of sooner or later, but his words keep going round and round in Ben’s head and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t seem to stop them.

Azmuth isn’t much of a small-talker, so Ben is surprised when he speaks out of the blue while fiddling with the Omnitrix. “What does it feel like?” He asks in his gravelly voice, and it takes Ben a second to realize what he’s talking about. “To be something else?”  
“It feels different,” Ben replies, and Azmuth scoffs.  
“That’s not what I meant.”  
“I know.” Ben grins. It’s funny to poke at Azmuth, see if there’s anything under that gruff exterior. He suspects there is, but so far he hasn’t found anything. He watches the alien as he rewires something invisible. The pressure around his arm releases with a soft click and just like that, the watch is off. Ben runs a hand over his wrist; it’s incredibly pale, from years of being hidden under the Omnitrix.  
“It feels...like I’m more me than I’ll ever be like this,” he says quietly. Azmuth says nothing, so Ben continues. “Don’t get me wrong; I want to live a normal life. But this,” he gestures to his body. “Isn’t just me. When I change, it feels like I’m whole.” The words are coming out wrong. There are no words to describe how it feels, even to someone as smart as Azmuth, so he lets it go.  
When he looks in the mirror weeks later, he searches his eyes for any sign of something else. But it’s just him.

“What does it feel like when you transform?” Rooks little brother asks eagerly from the bunk below Ben’s. They’re supposed to be asleep, but Little One is too excited and Ben is still getting used to the time change. Ben doesn’t mind the questions, and Rook’s little brother is really starting to grow on him.  
“It feels tingly,” Ben replies. “Like a good stretch, like a warmup before a game.” It’s not a lie. When he’s done growing or shrinking or changing, he feels ready. It’s a new body, and it settles in him like he’s just feeling for the first time. And then he takes a breath and dives into the fight. 

“Does it hurt when you transform?” Ben asks, looking up at the older version of himself. He’s got dozens more scars, and gray streaks running through his hair, but the green eyes are the same, matching the spring of the park around them.  
There are some answers the older Ben can’t answer, but he answers this one. “Yes,” he says quietly.  
The metal of the Omnitrix has long since warmed to his body heat, but suddenly it feels colder than ice. “Can’t Azmuth…”  
“No,” the older Ben replies. Although he’s barely twenty years older, he looks a hundred. “That’s the price we pay, and it doesn’t change.”

“Do you know what it feels like?” Ben asks, in between shaking and retching. Every battle takes its toll; this one is the worst. He’s pushed himself too far, too fast, and now its all catching up to him. Gwen sits close by, like she has for years, and shakes her head.  
“Ben, I don’t…”  
“It burns.” Ben whispers. “Everything gets ripped apart and put back together in a second and it burns. It feels like fire’s growing under my skin. I can’t put it out.” It feels like power, like adrenaline, like a good stretch, like he’s finally coming back together. All these things feel like burning. The change only takes a second, but in that second he's a star, throwing heat and light and burning all the while.


End file.
